Why We Quit YouTube

While I was out in the garden tonight I was reminiscing over how much I love Creeping Phlox because it reminds me of my grandma.

Life with Grandma was often spent swinging on her porch swing while shooting the breeze. And around that porch was the most beautiful cascading creeping phlox that I have ever seen to this day. I never see it without thinking about her.

Grandma taught me a lot of things, including how grieve. She was the first person I was very close to that I ever lost. She’s the reason I planted the phlox there to begin with. I find I like to find things that remind me of her and sprinkle them throughout my life.

As I was piddling around in the garden and adoring the phlox that reminded me of her I was struck by the mark grief can put on a soul.

What does this have to do with YouTube? A lot, actually.

As most of you know, my family used to have a YouTube channel where we cooked, traveled, laughed and had an all around good time.

We really loved it.

Until we didn’t.

And eventually we stopped several years ago.

I don’t think we meant to stop. I think we had to stop. And once we stopped going back to YouTube did not feel like an option.

Ya see over a short period of time, my family got hit with several waves of loss and grief and for a little while, our world stopped.

Grief has a funny way of putting things into perspective and dealing with the dark side of YouTube (lewd comments, inappropriate messages and down right hateful parts of the internet) seemed utterly absurd given the real life living we needed to do through what felt insurmountable at times.

Ideally we would have wrapped the channel up in a nice bow and told everyone bye, but the truth of the matter is I really thought we were coming back.

Deciding not to was a gradual decision.

And, nothing we could say would satisfy everyone (no, really…) and regardless, we were not in any headspace to anyhow.

So, we chose us. Scandalous, I know.

Okay, but why on earth am I talking about it now and here (not there)?

First of all it has BEEN YEARS. So going over there just to post about not posting there seems strange.

However, even after all these years, I get asked pretty regularly if we are coming back. Sometimes nicely, other times not so nicely.

Some folks even like to send me the outlandish stories their run-away imaginations have come up as to all the reasons why. I mean seriously, stop messaging strangers on the internet and put that creativity to work. Maybe apply to write for Lifetime Movies? You got potential.

And then this week, ironically as my family heads into another season of grief, I got a really rude and nasty note from a YouTube “fan” demanding answers. And while I blocked them immediately, I did think through why we left… people like them.

I’ve been creating on these here internets for 15 years and as much as I’d love to tell you that you can ignore that stuff, at some point it takes more energy than it is worth. And something has to give.

And that something was YouTube.

But truth be told, the people like that were a very small portion of the folks we loved and laughed with for years over there and thankfully, many of those people signed up for our emails, read the blogs and have stayed connected to us where we feel comfortable hanging out.

So for those folks who are curious–even after all these years–I am writing this post.

And for those of you in your own season of grief, do what you gotta do to take care of you and yours and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Grief has a funny way of showing you what’s important. Do what you need to do. I for one, will be cheering you on the whole way.