A Mother’s Guilt

Motherhood and guilt go hand in hand.

A quick google search of “mothers” and “guilt” reveals 5,030,000 links.

Many of you know that Miss Add has been sick. The last 4 days and 3 nights have been filled with fevers, aches, pains, tears, sweats and severely lacking sleep… precious glorious sleep…

In case you were wondering how guilt and this scenario have anything to do with one another… let me explain with a little equation for my math-minded folks…

Lack of sleep x sick kiddo = guilt overdrive

Perhaps I should develop an excel spreadsheet to demonstrate the proportional increase of a mother’s guilt as it relates to the sickness of a child 😉

We interrupt this nerd moment to return to your regular scheduled program: A Mother’s Guilt… already in progress.

I feel guilty because my baby is sick.

I felt guilty because I sat and cuddled her all weekend and therefore didn’t get the dishes or laundry done. Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty over cuddling her when she needs me.

I felt guilty because I didn’t figure out that I had Tylenol all along while I thought I just had motrin and therefore delayed my baby’s relief.

I felt guilty that my baby wouldn’t eat all weekend–and when she would eat she would only eat peanut butter sandwiches.

I feel guilty that my baby doesn’t eat much else beyond peanut butter sandwiches–even when she is feeling fine.

I felt guilty that she looked at the snow and begged to go build a snowman and I had to say no due to a temp of 102.5.

I felt guilty that she didn’t get to go see Grandma and Duke as promised.

I felt guilty that over the weekend she was miserable and I couldn’t do anything about it–

I felt guilty for taking her to the doctor in really bad driving conditions, only to get her there and she acted fine. Then I felt guilty that she didn’t appear sick.

Then I get home and my baby’s throat started hurting– and now I feel guilty that there is nothing I can do about it.

I feel guilty that I have started skipping pages while reading The Giving Tree… the boy grows up a lot faster and that tree comes down a lot quicker in my abridged version of the 54th reading–sorry Shel

I feel guilty wandering into the snow to go to work with a sick baby at home. I feel guilty when I call home and hear her crying.

I feel guilty laying in bed exhausted and hearing her need me over the monitor.

I feel guilty staying home from work with the tsunami of work waiting for me there.

THE GUILT STOPS HERE.

I heard some ladies talking the other day about forming a support group of Mothers Against Guilt… all I can say is sign me up. I am tired of second guessing myself.

I know I am a darn good mom. But I have to tell you these last few days have had me on the ropes.

I also know I am an accomplished working mom that balances the impossible some days–from board rooms to baby dolls.

I know I give 110% at whatever I set my mind on and in return have a high level of expectation of myself at home and at work.

However, I am human and I can’t be all things to all people all the time. Especially when my baby is sick and Mother Nature decided to try to do a remake of ’78 (Don’t ya just hate remakes? Dag gone wanna be– enough already!)

So yo Guilt, consider this your eviction notice. I am done with you. (And obviously I’ve gone gangsta–so ya better be skeered!)

Frankly, I gots too much to do to be messin’ with the likes of you. –Just sayin’

Comments

Terra says

February 17, 2010 at 5:36 am

Girl, let me tell you, we ALL feel like this sometimes…uh…I mean, daily. I seldom go to bed at night without thinking "gosh, I should have done XXXX different today". Being a parent is really hard & it seems like it gets 100X harder when our kid is sick. Hang in there! You ARE a good mom! And Addie is watching you every day learning how to be a wonderful woman & a great mom (I know, no pressure, right? haha!)

Mindfull McKenna says

February 17, 2010 at 11:42 am

Don't be so hard on yourself, Cris. You are no different than any other Mother out here. We all expirence the same type of feelings… every day! Being a Mother and just a good woman is very hard in this day and age. We are all pulled from on end of the spectrum to the other. In my case, Motherhood has really slapped me in the face. I waited forever to have my Rylee and I thought being a Mom was going to be all fun and games and cute clothes! It's not totally like that…is it? I once said to Shawn when I was pregnant, "My life is going to change more than yours will". I think at that time he was offended by that! But it is the truth. If your household is like mine, Momma is EVERYTHING! I sometimes wonder if they could function without me? lol

No doubt about it, you are a fantastic Mother, Cris! So, don't be so hard on yourself. Addie thinks you are the best Mommy ever:)She will always love you no matter what.

Cris Goode says

February 19, 2010 at 1:31 am

Thanks ladies! We are still fighting this bug… but I think the worst is over (knock on wood)

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